I’ve been sitting here thinking about sitting here thinking. Everyone is all “oh, this is a great opportunity!” or ” I can’t wait to see what you do next!”. While I very much appreciate these abstract votes of confidence, the truth remains that during unemployment there are still bills to pay. And in order to pay those bills I cannot take a job in a different, wacky field that is going to pay me 1/2 of what I’m used to making. There needs to be a new job starting, like, tomorrow. It’s all economics.

Yes, I would love to become an astronaut or a batik artist but that ain’t gonna put a roof over my head. The savings is going to dwindle faster than I realize and it’s time to do whatever it takes.

In December I paid off a $400-per-month debt obligation and I was looking forward to having that extra cash to enjoy a little bit more and also to pay off other bills. Now that monthly gain is gone, perhaps forever. As I’m trying to find new work, there is nothing available in DC in my field that is going to provide me the same salary that I’m used to, and there’s yet another cut. The monetary gifts given by my Father for Xmas is being translated into a non-gift, as I’m using it to pay rent next month and shore up financial shortcomings.

A scant fifteen days ago I would have thought my worst misery and pain would have come from being 44 and not involved in a relationship, a family that I’m more and more the black sheep of and a failed presence trying to move around this city. Now it’s come down to putting food on the table.

Web searches of jobs in this conversative town reveal nothing available, nothing in Balmer, hon, Philly, Richmond even Pittsburgh. This means I’ll have to turn up being someone’s barrista or someone’s “fries with that?” guy. If I could only win the lottery now, I’d be more than happy to go back to the Carpenter Shelter and cook lunch every day for the residents. That would make me happy.