Tuesday I went over to Apple to sign my tax forms and all. It was great to go “backstage” into the employee-only area and see iPods stacked for purchase (no stock is kept on the showfloor). And the warm welcomes by employees coworkers was really nice too.

According to new Homeland Security standards, there’s a list of government-approved documents I had to bring with me to prove that I am actually me. I brought in my driver’s license and my passport but under close inspection it turns out my passport actually expired almost a year ago. Has it been that long since I went to Scotland? I guess so.

I was told I could not be processed until bringing in one of the other approved forms of identification and the only one I remotely had was a birth certificate, and I can’t remember seeing that in the past three or four moves. When was the last time I used it?

So I come home and tear apart all my filing cabinets and places where I’m hoping it resides. No luck.

In a bit of a panic, I go online and check how long it takes it obtain a replacement passport and it’s at least four weeks. And in order to get a new passport I need the (missing) birth certificate and a social security card. I don’t even remember ever having a social security card. I assume I had one at one point or maybe my Dad has my copy but regardless, I don’t have one. In order to get a replacement social security card, I need a passport and a birth certificate. The terrorists have won.

Luckily I was able to go online and order a birth certificate but it’s going to take 10-15 business days. Yaargh! I was worried this was going to delay my new employee training sessions this weekend but luckily my manager said he might be able to temporarily process me without it but that I’d need to show it eventually.

This whole worrisome story comes to a good ending this morning when I received my official email from Apple welcoming me as an employee. It directs me to an employee-only section of their website that allows me to set up my employee account. It’s a great way to set up all of that information concerning health care, benefits, 401(k), etc.

There are “My First Month” and “Going Forward” tabs but it won’t let me access them; I have yet to actually start my first day. I’m hoping that these information tabs will be unlocked after Saturday & Sunday’s all-day training sessions.