The forecast for yesterday was rain: showers in the morning, showers in the afternoon. I kept a watchful eye outside and it does look wet and windy. Drat. I was hoping to avoid taking an umbrella with me all day but it seems a necessity now. I had a six-block walk from my arrival bus stop to the Corcoran for Todges’ (Todd Hodges) gallery show and silent auction and didn’t want to arrive wet.

It hit me on the bus that I didn’t know the faces of the friends of Todges’ that I have been talking with on the phone and emailing to/from for the past month. Will there be nametags? Will we have to publicly introduce ourselves?

As I Twittered yesterday, I decided to listen to Madonna on the bus ride over, as Todges was just about the biggest Madonna fan I’ve ever met. And I’ve met some big fans. The Madonna music was to continue throughout the day, played at the ceramics studio and the restaurant.

I arrive at the Corcoran where I immediately run into Robert (Bob) Devers, Todd’s ceramics instructor. Todges and I went to a showing of Bob’s work in March 2007. Bob had a picture of of me and Todges together that he had hung up in the ceramics studio, above the chalkboard. So I guess we’ll always be looking down on the studio which is kind of nice.

After speaking with Bob briefly the introductions to other people starting flowing, even people I had never met. It was a warm and friendly reception which I was thankful for. Some people had landed here on futurejunkie during their google searches so they were a little familiar with who I was.

The main reason for this reception was the silent auction of Todges’ ceramic pieces. Todges had given me a piece of his work, one of his rattles, that is a devil on one end and the Virgin Mary on the other. I was thinking I would bid on a companion piece. I really wanted to get a piece titled “The Gunslinger” but I was afraid that it seemed so fragile and might end up being broken as I don’t really have a place to display it. So I didn’t bid on anything, I’m just going to keep the piece that Todges gave me and I think that means more.

During the auction I was able to meet Tip, Todges’ #1, and Steven, Todges #2. I had spoken with Steven on the phone and it was nice to put a face to his voice. He offered me a ride over to the memorial service and I was glad that I wouldn’t have to try and find a cab in the rain.

At Finn & Porter’s, where the actual service was to be held, I was introduced to more friendly folks, Myrna and Todges’ mom, Pat. Myrna is a warm soul and first met Todges like 16 years ago or something. She told me about how, after moving here from Panama, Todges opened up her eyes (and eventually her family’s) to people of all kinds without prejudice or discrimination. How’s that for a legacy? But most importantly, I was able to meet Todges’ mother and receive a little more information on T’s last days, his upbringing and lots of other pieces that filled in the puzzle.

I had originally felt guilt when I heard of Todd’s passing, that maybe I wasn’t being as good of an ex-boyfriend and current friend as I could have. But after speaking with all these people and hearing the same story from everybody, it comes down to Todd not wanting people to know how sick he was, including his own mother and his current roommate. I guess some people have the advantage of being able to take themselves out of the game on their own rules and this is what Todges did. So this eased my mind a little.

And this was something totally Todges: in the center of the buffet table was a four-foot Gucci ice sculpture, complete with vodka shot shoots for two. Practically everybody got in on those action eventually, to the point where instead of running back and forth from the bar for shotglass refills the bartender brought the bottle over and stuck it in the ice. We all thought that Todges would think that it was fabulous.

Presiding over the ceremony portion was the minister? chaplain? spiritual guidance advisor? who was with Todges at GW Hospital while he was in ICU. In addition to her comforting words, she ended with these words, quoting the “great philosopher”:

You must be my lucky star
Cause you shine on me wherever you are
I just think of you and I start to glow
And I need your light and baby you know

You must be my lucky star
Cause you make the darkness seem so far
And when I’m lost you’ll be my guide
I just turn around and you’re by my side

You may be my lucky star
But I’m the luckiest by far.

Here’s info on Todd Hodges’ memorial services happening today.

Celebration and Gallery Display
Saturday, October 25th at 1pm
Corcoran College of Art+Design
500 Seventeenth Street NW
Washington, DC 20006
202-639-1801

• Please use the ‘E’ Street Entrance—FYI—there is only ‘one’ entrance on E Street—look for the ramp and metal doors. Ring the buzzer and tell the guard that you are going to the Hodges reception in “ceramics”. This will be a very informal reception with a display of Todd’s work with a silent auction of his pieces. Wine/cheese will be served.
• Parking/Public Transportation: the Corcoran is just a few blocks away from metro stations: Farragut West: on the Orange/Blue lines (take the 17th street exit) and Farragut North: on the Red line (take the K Street exit). From either station walk south on 17th street to the Corcoran. Parking near the Corcoran: There is plenty of metered street parking available in the area from 9:30 am to 4 pm daily.

Memorial Service and Reception
2:30pm (approximate as we will be coming from Corcoran)
The Embassy Suites at the Convention Center
Finn and Porter Restaurant—Private Dining Room
900 10th Street NW, 
Washington, District of Columbia
202-739-2001

• Valet parking is available at the hotel for $5—mention you are going to event at Finn and Porter. 

Memorial Fund
Corcoran Gallery of Art/Corcoran College of Art + Design
Attention: Development Office/Janice Marks—enclose letter or add to memo line: “M. Todd Hodges Memorial Fund”
500 Seventeenth Street NW
Washington, DC 20006
Contributions can also be made online through the Corcoran’s website: http://www.corcoran.org/campaign/gift_tribute.htm

The first thing I do in the morning, for the past month, has been to sleepily shuffle into my den and pull up The Post’s obit page(s). It is in this too-bright light that I squint and search for Todges’ obituary. If I had time to make coffee before getting my routine in motion, believe me I would. And I would sit there and enjoy a cup while I slowly woke up. But that doesn’t happen. I digress. And then get dressed. (Sometimes I’m clever in the morning too.)

This morning as I’m checking I’m thinking that I’ve had enough of this daily checking and that I’m not going to do it anymore. But of course then today is the day. The link  to the actual page is here but I’ll paste the entire entry as well:

M. Todd Hodges Creative Director

M. Todd Hodges, 40, a creative director at Gratis Internet, a Washington-based company that earns money giving away iPods and other items to consumers who sign up for corporate promotions, died Sept. 2 at George Washington University Hospital. He had lung cancer.

I hate washingtonpost.com. If I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. I hate washingtonpost.com. It never gives me news that I’m interested in. It never gives local news. Its articles are always focused on national politics (or worse yet, the suburbs), regardless of what else is going on in the world and never what is happening within the city from where it gets its name. For example, a tsunami may be killing a quarter of a million people halfway around the globe but some Senator getting an expensive haircut or a soccer hockey sockey mom in the H8ST8 stretching her grocery dollar is the top story. In short, a waste of time. Sadly, I can track local news better elsewhere.

Unfortunately I’ve spent lots of time this week on WaPo’s site waiting for Todges’ obituary to be posted. I haven’t seen it yet—have I missed it? If you’ve seen it, please let me know. But I did notice the amount of space they dedicate to actual stories they’re reporting. It’s minimal. For instance let’s examine a typical obit page on the Post and see how much pixel area is actually devoted to delivering content.

This page’s pixel area is 1039 x 1903 (that’s some fun numbering, I must admit). This gives 1,977,217 square pixels, if you will. The article space numbers 249,737 pixels. Advertising occupies a whopping 1,045,508 pixels and the remaining 681,972 pixels are devoted to mastheads, navigation and direct links to other articles.

Breakdown
Content: 12.6%
Navigation: 34.5%
Advertising: 52.9%

I’m finding myself being a messenger and also a sleuth. There are so many aspects and details of Todges’ life that I feel compelled to have answered. I know this isn’t a quest like in the movies where I will come to a huge realization in the end, but I still need to know more information.

Today I’ve been given the name of the contact person in Todges’ Blade obit; I’ll call him tomorrow and navigate through that difficult conversation.

Tonight I met up with mcG before the Sandra Bernhard show, and had to tell him about Todges. mcG was there the evening that I met Todges, and had he not been late I might not have met T. So again I’m sharing the information, of what little I feel I know.

This conversation takes up most of our time before the show, but I’m glad we got it out of the way so we could enjoy our evening. Which we did. Sandra’s show was a little off, in timing and content. It’s a redux of her 20-year-old Without You I’m Nothing, and due to current events it was obvious when she was lapsing into the script of the old show. So it was a little disjointed. Enjoyable, though. And funny as hell too (natch).

Afterwards we walked over to the 9:30 Club for Blowoff. I think this was the first of the season after their summer hiatus/roadshows. Am I wrong? It was packed and a lot of fun, great music by Rich and Bob, and Nick turnt it out with the visuals. Trippy. It was nice to be taken to a better place for a little while.

Today the Washington Blade published an “In Memoriam” for Michael Todd Hodges. His obit will be published in the Post next week.

Todges reluctantly informed me that he was HIV+ while we were dating. In fact, it turned out to be one of the reasons for conflict between us. The conflict was not because of his status, but because we had discussed his status and decided the most responsible thing to do would be to make a doctor’s appointment at Whitman Walker, talk to a doctor and figure what was safe and what was not, get a little more informed, etc. He never made the appointment and I think this is what started driving us apart. In hindsight, I should have made the appointment if he wasn’t going to, but yet I didn’t either.

After speaking with folks this week after hearing of Todges’ passing, one has said the cause was lung cancer/infection and another said throat cancer. Of course it could be a combination of both and not so localized. During these conversations, they would mention “when Todd was sick” or “how long Todd had been sick” and I wasn’t sure if they were speaking of the HIV or the cancer, so I kept mum on his HIV status, because at the time he told me only one other person knew. Maybe this wasn’t the case anymore.

The Blade’s mention states: “Michael Todd Hodges—40, A Creative Director at Gratis Internet, died September 2 of complications from AIDS.” So there you go. Maybe he didn’t keep it such a secret since the time I’d known him. I guess it’s odd to read “complications from AIDS” because you don’t really hear that phrase that much anymore, at least not as much as you did twenty years ago. But it still happens. According to the National Cancer Institute, AIDS-related cancers include Hodgkin disease and cancers of the lung, mouth, cervix, and digestive system.

The funny thing about all of this is the image of Todges that was submitted. Gracefully, it’s in full color, as he would have wanted. And he’s rockin’ a ‘stache. Yes, a moustache. I’m guessing this photo would have be from at least 10 years ago or so, but I don’t remember ‘staches being in vogue at that time. Then again, I had long hippie hair ten years ago, so what do I know? At least he looks good.

Read the rest of this entry »

During lunch today I noticed I had a voicemail from a non-descript 703 number, which means whomever called was not in my Address Book. I thought it might be my brother, calling me from his work phone in Crystal City, since he had called last night. It wasn’t. I didn’t know who it was, and she did not leave her name. What she did mention, however, was that it concerned Todd Hodges, whom you all know I lovingly always called “Todges”.

This did not sound like a good call to be getting, much less returning.

Was Todges in the hospital? In jail? Had he gone missing? The worst fears came about when she informed me that Todges had passed away on September 2nd. I found myself pacing in the courtyard where I was outside, having finished lunch and half of a BSG Season IV episode. It’s windy and hard to hear, my heart is pounding and my body’s going a bit numb and I’m still trying to listen to all the facts.

Peggy (that’s her name who left the message) says Todges succumbed to a lung infection (still waiting on verification from this—I heard it was lung-something. Verification: cancer, of lung & throat.) and friends have divided his phone and Address Book and were calling the people in them, of which I was one.

Although Todges and I had spoken infrequently and ran into each other seldomly since having our 20 Dates together, we were still friendly to each other and had we had more time apart, I think would have become even better friends. We attempted to get together for a drink in July, but that fell through. I wish we would have had that drink together now.

Things I will always remember about Todgie: his undying lurv for Madonna (stages beyond the normal), he was a great cook and an even greater sculptor, his ability to know designer pieces—whether these be clothing or furniture, the way he called his phone a “fome”, how he loved incredibly spicy hot thai food.

The Corcoran, where he studied and also taught, will be holding a celebration of his life and retrospective of his work on Saturday, October 25th at 1pm. A private memorial service will be held later that day at the Embassy Suites at the Convention Center, Finn and Porter Restaurant, Private Event Room at approximately 2:30pm.

For donations to the M. Todd Hodges Memorial Fund, please contact Corcoran Gallery of Art/Corcoran College of Art + Design, Attention: Development Office/Janice Marks—enclose letter or add to memo line: “M. Todd Hodges Memorial Fund”, 500 Seventeenth Street NW, Washington, DC 20006. Contributions can also be made online through the Corcoran’s website: http://www.corcoran.org/campaign/gift_tribute.htm

RIP, Todges, 1968–2008.

UPDATE: Todges’ Blade obit is here and his Washington Post obit is here.