The balance on my EBT card is $348.20, and that’s a lot. Apparently I have not done a real grocery shopping run since mid-July. So it’s time. Rent the Zipcar, grab a cart (the kind you actually push!) and start filling it up. Since my balance is pretty healthy, I’m grabbing both things that I need to get as well as things that strike my fancy, with little regard as to what my purchases are going to add up to.

Purchase: $202.70
EBT Card Balance: $145.50
Club Card Savings: $44.58 (17% of purchase)

I am in the grooviest doctor’s office waiting room that I have ever been in. It’s probably a simple Ikea setup, but at least it looks new and has clean lines. Someone needs to straighten the artwork on the walls but I’m going to let that slide.

My appointment is for 1:30 and I’m seen at 1:32. I like this doctor already.

I’ve had a couple of left-ear blockages in the past, nothing major and usually a good syringe-plunging washout does the trick and actually feels really good. I tell my new non-insurance doctor what’s going on, he has a look in both ears and explains that it’s not a typical waxy buildup, but that I had liquid behind my eardrum. That is what is stopping the eardrum from vibrating and clicking on all those other little bones in there which produces sound.

He then proceeds to look up my nose because all those holes in your face are connected inside your skull. He, oddly, then pulls out a tuning fork. He rings it and places it near each ear and of course the sound is different because I can’t basically hear out of my left ear. He rings it again and places the handle end on the top of my forehead. The vibrating moves through my skull and directly into my left ear. It was the oddest thing ever and I kind of wanted him to do it again.

Then he sprays a mist that smelled and tasted like Vick’s Vaporub into each nostril while I’m instructed to take a quick snort. Then he brings out a tiny exploratory camera on the end of a flexible tube and sticks that into my nose. This was a little uncomfortable as I feel this tube exploring around my sinuses. That I wouldn’t want to do again. The tuning fork, yes, but not this.

The prognosis is that I have a blocked eustachian tube. This is the tiny canal that connects the ear to the back of the throat. There’s no real quick fix, like the flushing I mentioned earlier, so the only thing to do is take sinusy-type medicines and prescription nasal sprays (he gave me a free sample though). And when I’m purchasing the OTC meds it is apparently the hardcore kind that you can make tina out of, because I’m scanned and documented at the CVS point of purchase. Plus he tells me that I need to become a gum chewer to keep things moving and lubricated. So now I get to be one of those people, but all under a doctor’s care. Okay, meds, do your thing!

Let’s see…

I still can’t hear about of my left ear after Eddy’s drunken/birthday/hello greeting. I’ve been hydrogen peroxiding it all weekend long, and while it’s tickly and bubbly it still hasn’t solved the problem. I’m afraid I’m going to have to put my no insurance/Medicaid to the test soon and actually go and see a doctor. Is it ironic that a cancelled beach trip with a deaf friend this weekend is the same time that I can’t hear?

This week I’m starting M–F half-days at my “volunteer” job. Best thing about it is that it’s only five blocks away. I haven’t even ridden the bike there, it’s quite enjoyable just to walk through the neighborhood. It takes about two iPod songs. Things I’ve noticed while walking that I never saw before on the bike or in a car: There is a house on 14th that has an entire porch covering made out of a wisteria tree. I’ll take a pic this week and add it here. Also, there is a grate/manhole cover on C that still has the ladder in it leading down to the catacombs. Whether the workers left it there or it’s non-removable is unknown.

After my last round of the blandest marinara sauce ever, I’ve redeemed myself with yesterday’s batch. While I didn’t have some of my fave/regular ingredients, I pulled it out with an eye-measured mix of ground cayenne red pepper, epazote, ground red chipotle, ground mustard, oregano and adobo seasoning. And the cans of diced tomatoes also had some jalapeños in them. And S&P, of course.

I’m going to see if I can barrel through a re-watch of Season 1 and 2 of Mad Men before the 3rd Season premiere on August 16. Since I don’t have AMC, luckily iTunes has S3 available for next-day downloads. That is something I’ll spend $20 on.

Useless trivia: Kristy McNichol’s name was spelled “Kristie” during the pilot credits of Family. When I was a kid in the 70s, I had a box full of notecards that listed the 555-xxxx phone numbers of television characters that I had collected over the years. I had the numbers of the Brady’s and Jaime Sommers, those that I can remember. Now you can just find them here.

Blogger pal and sometimes drinking buddy Joe.My.God reports that DC is the #1 U.S. city for job postings, and by a wide margin.

This is not really surprising since the largest office building in the world is right across the river, and the Feds employing so many more not to mention our 10% tax thriving restaurant scene. Do I want to be a civil servant? No. Do I want to be a waiter? No.

That was just a dream.

Six months ago while I contemplated moving to another city to find employment it actually seemed plausible with some good, almost perfect, jobs that I was applying for. Apparently the big thing for employers these days is to not send out any kind of “Thank you, but no.” correspondence. Hell, I’d be happy with a “Fuck off” email returned from a prospective employer, at least that way I would know that they actually received my resume. Maybe stamps are too expensive these days to send out so many TYBN letters.

Whatevs.

So besides scouring the want ads, the only thing I’ve done today is nothing. Supposedly the weather was beautiful today but beautiful weather on Saturdays is for people who have jobs and can’t normally be out in the daytime enjoying it. So I stayed inside and let me have it all to themselves. I hope they had a good time doing whatever it was they were doing.

Enjoy.

If you read here, you’ll notice that DHS stated that I would have to bring validation from the VEC (Virginia Employment Commision) and proof of payments for rent, utilities and phone in order to complete my paperwork. As I was gathering these together I noticed that my July deposit (which was supposed to cut off in June) went through so I figured it wasn’t a rush to get back down there. I figured I’ll have to take everything in before the end of July but at least it gave me time to get everything together.

This I received in the mail last week:

Your application for food stamp recertification has been approved effective July, 2009 through June, 2010.

So, they’ve obviously processed the form as is without any verfications of my private information. And they’ve extended benefits for an additional 12 months! Ridiculous. Hopefully I won’t be needing them for much longer though, but the job search continues on.

Taking advice from friends and talk show hosts, last week I decided (after 14 years of residency) to obtain a DC Library card. The main reason for doing this was to have a new book to take to the beach with me. A supplemental reason was because it was free. They’ve got DVDs there too and I’m cranking down my Netflix to the minimum (cash-saving move) and I can pick up supplemental discs from the library.

I decided to checkout Douglas Coupland’s “The Gum Thief” which has been out for a year or so but I never got around to purchasing and, of course, there’s no way I can pay for a book now.

I took it to the beach but because of having too much fun with the dozen friends there, I didn’t even crack the cover. I did start reading it in the car on the way back though.

———

The above was written almost a month ago, May 29. I barreled halfway through the book but then had to slow down. I finished it a couple of weeks ago but held onto it in case I needed to reference it this post. In true fashion, it sat there collecting dust like the characters in the book-within-a-book Glove Pond, written by Roger, the main storyteller in TGF.

As it sat there and I pushed back it’s due date I started to think more and more about Roger. Roger is in his early/mid-forties (I think he’s 43—this is why I wanted to keep the book awhile longer for reference). His life is in freefall: his wife has left him, a son has been killed in a car accident and he’s lost his job. He’s forced to take a mind-numbing job as a stockboy at Staples, but you get the sense he’s okay with this since he can drink on the job.

Minus the failed relationship and the deceased son, I can relate to Roger’s situation. Forced to take a McJob and half-sleep out of his car (at least he has one) he retreats into the book he’s writing, picking up character traits for his fictional characters from his old-enough-to-be-my-offspring coworkers and what few adults remain in his life.

I have not uttered a word in 43 hours.

Last week I passed the six-month mark of being unemployed. The majority of jobs I can find that I’m qualified for are positions or employers I don’t want to hold/work for. I’ve received notice that my food stamp benefits are to be cut at the end of this month, unless I can convince them otherwise when I have a meeting with my case worker next week. I’m not sure how long my unemployment benefits will continue; it’s supposed to be a year now but I haven’t heard any word and I’m hoping that’s a good thing.

But it may be time for this to come to an end, and not a happy ending. I may be Roger, having to take whatever is available at any level, working at Staples or Best Buy or some other immediately-hating and soul-sucking McJob. Do you want fries with that?

No job, no car, no cash to buy food. I do have the food stamps though, on my EBT card. Normally a trip to the grocery store consists of what I can carry the eight blocks home, usually amounting to one of those handbaskets full and and maybe a little overflowing. I would do this trip a few times a week. It’s not bad, but it’s not good either.

Since I’ve been away the last three weekends and all last week I was trying to get lean on the groceries in my cupboard and fridge so that nothing would go to waste. I didn’t see the point in making grocery runs since I was going to be away for many days. Add to that another monthly deposit into my EBT account, and I have a whopping $373 on which to spend on groceries. It was time to spend $15 and rent the Zipcar for a couple of hours.

On today’s trip I was actually able to push a cart through the grocery store. I’m buying crazy stuff that I never would have dreamed of before: gallons of milk, 12-pack of paper towels, Odwalla chocolate protein shakes, three boxes of cereal, eight cans each of 28-ounce crushed and diced tomatoes, two magnums of Fresca & a 12-pack of Diet Dr Pepper, a five-pack of Mac & Cheese and over a gallon of laundry detergent.

Because of the humongous balance on my account I was buying things I normally wouldn’t, items that weren’t on sale (gasp!) or multiple items that were on sale and will be used stored and used eventually.

Purchase: $231.89
EBT Card Balance: $141.57
Club Card Savings: $76.17 (23% of purchase)

Received in yesterday’s mail:

AN IMPORTANT NOTICE ABOUT YOUR UNEMPLOYMENT INSURANCE BENEFITS

The American Recovery and Reinvestment Act (Stimulus Package) included additional benefits as a part of the money received by Virginia. Unemployment Compensation benefits will increase by $25.00 per week. The first week for which $25.00 can be paid is the benefit week ending February 28, 2009.

The virginia Employment Commision (VEC) will be issuing you a lump sum payment, if you were paid at least $1.00 for the week ending February 28, 2009, and any subsequent weeks. After the lump sum payment has been issued, the $25.00 will be added to your regular weekly entitlement.

This would explain the $225.00 deposit into my account a couple of weeks ago. I was assuming it was an error and would be retrieved at some later date. My weekly benefits go from $340.20 to $362.70. Hello, beach money!

Out of the next 24 days, I will be in town for seven of those days. This weekend is a trip to Wilmington, DE, “A Place To Be Somebody”, Memorial Day weekend I’ve been graciously invited to Poodle Rehoboth Beach and the following week I am going to be gainfully employed as an au pair.

Of course I realize this as I’ve already make a trek to the grocery store. I’m thinking of things I should consume at home that are already cooked or produce that will spoil, so this trip is a stocking-up of items that have a shelf life or that I can freeze: chicken ($0.99 per pound—bargain!), boxed & canned goods. I even used the self-checkout. I am a man in motion.

Purchase: $29.16
EBT Card Balance: $193.25
Club Card Savings: $12.25 (30% of purchase)

I’m taking a rest from the chopping, boiling, mixing… let me ‘splain and backup. Eddy (who is also recently underemployed) and I have recently been sharing our unemployed afternoons. We watch Ellen, Family Feud and Oprah. We sometimes go to museums. We sometimes have cocktails. To us, everyday is Tuesday and the world is our oyster. Just like one night in Bangkok.

During one of these afternoons, Eddy mentioned the new Amy Poehler show Parks & Recreation and how excited he was for the premiere. Since these television afternoons have been spent at Eddy’s, I invited him over for dinner and to watch the premiere, which is tonight.

While I do enjoy cooking, I don’t really have a big repertoire. I immediately went to my old favorite: homemade red sauce. I thought of doing eggplant parmesan, which I haven’t made in a long time. But then Eddy doesn’t do dairy so that was out of the question. Then I decided to go with the P & R show theme and do picnic food. And I thought the spaghetti w/ meatballs was pedestrian!

I planned out what I was going to make: hamburgers, hot dogs (actually sausages), potato salad, corn on the cob, a salad and popsicles for dessert. And even though it was a beautiful day to walk to the store, I thought this might be a lot of groceries so I used up some of my Zipcar credit and rented the li’l station wagon next door.

First stop was Eastern Market. Instead of regular hot dogs I thought it would be nice to do some sausages w/ peppers and a pickle slice, ala Chicago-style. I went to Canales, knowing they would have the best selection. I chose one chicken & turkey with artichoke and roasted garlic and one turkey & chicken with wild mushrooms and cognac. Eddy can decide which one he wants and I’ll take the other. On top of this I will put red, orange & yellow pepper slices, some celery salt and a pickle spear.

At the grocery store, since I had the car, I decided to do a little extra shopping and stock up on items that were either on sale, that I’d need soon or were too large to carry comfortably home while walking (24-pack of bottle water).

I caved on my secret favorite (frozen pizzas: 4) but also picked up things like coffee that was on sale, condiments I’m sure I’ll use in the future and large boxes of cereal.

I’m making a basic potato salad, nothing fancy there. I’ve never made potato salad before and I’m already afraid that it’s going to turn into mashed potato salad. All mushy. We’ll see. For the burgers, I’m using 1 lb beef, 1 lb North Carolina hot sausage (that I picked up at Canales) and adding to that chopped purple onion, red orange & yellow peppers, s&p, adobe seasoning. I’m going to take ½ of this and save it for meatballs later this weekend. The other half I’ll use to make the burgers, probably divided into thirds.

Purchase: $117.67 
EBT Card Balance: $98.57
Club Card Savings: $24.06 (17% of purchase)